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met Curtis through Shypassions.com, a website for shy daters. Not that I'm currently trolling singles sites -- although I've been known to be a little timid.
Shyness is the kiss of death when it comes to getting to know someone you have a crush on.
In fact, it pretty much guarantees the target of your desire won't get acquainted with the real you.
It's hard to impress a person when you can't look them in the eye without turning as red as your Shiraz.
In fact, liquid courage has slicked my introduction to many an old flame. Without the wobbly-pops, would I have met them at all?
While most things in moderation are fine, a surplus of shyness for Curtis has made dating almost impossible.
"I'm socially shy at first, but I warm up quickly," writes the 43-year-old from Burlington, Vermont, who admits he has not had a "real" date for a couple of years -- not counting the elderly woman from work he takes to the opera.
In his early 20s, he was too bashful to respond to women's advances. By his 30s he'd landed in a couple of relationships with "needy," dysfunctional women who left him jaded and heartbroken.
Shys are more prone to love problems as they tend to fall hard and leave themselves vulnerable. In Curtis's case, he clung to the first person to tell him "I love you." Shys also look for uncritical acceptance before opening up to others, which can make them lower their standards.
"Because I was shy it was easier for me to open up to someone less stable, but it also led to disaster," Curtis writes.
In his free time he isolates himself with classical music, chess and bike rides. He admits he's tired of all the solitude.
"Everyone I know is married and has kids. It just seems like my time for dating and mating is over," he writes. "I advise younger people to get over their shyness in college because that's the best time to meet people."
My heart goes out to Curtis, who, like many shys, battles with the daily temptation to retreat into his shell. But this is the worst thing you can do, says Leil Lowndes, the author of Goodbye to Shy (McGraw Hill, 2006).
"You're walking down the hall. You see your crush. Your heart pounds, your hands start to sweat and you duck into the copy room. You get a rush from avoiding the encounter but it only makes it worse the next time," says Lowndes.
One of her wise shy-busters is "Avoid all avoidance."
Go to a party for 10 minutes. Go to the next one for 20. Talk to good-looking people. Look them directly in the eye. Go on dates with duds for practice. Join a club to share a hobby. Fake it until you make it.
Curtis proved to himself that his insecurities are in his head when he posted his picture on a site asking people to rate him on a repulsi-meter.
"Nobody said I was hideous. A lot even said I was a good-looking guy. It would help if a real live woman would say that."
Even the most confident people have their insecurities. It takes practice and a little self-affirmation to get over them. We all have a little Curtis in us, but ultimately, we can only be as attractive as what we let others see.
Shy-busting tips:
Shy and Single? Why not try these shy-busters to improve your love chances:
* Try "dry run dates" with people who, for you personally, are romantic "duds."
* Don't hide behind online dating and cyber pen pals you'll never meet.
* Smile often. Men, smile twice at women. She's been trained to look away, but unless she's totally turned off, she not only welcomes but expects a second smile.
* Women, smile first at attractive men. Due to his male ego, he probably won't remember you sent the first signal. He will give himself the credit.
* Meet others who share your interests. This is a great ice breaker.
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