She blames this lack of creative courtly conversation on the fact that more people are making initial contact on dating websites instead of in person.
Last week, Shenman and Tom Ritter, co-hosts of the Hoboken Happy Hour Group, hosted their own singles party at the Shannon. There was a pretty good turnout, but the singles were not quite ready to mingle that night. There was a bit of a high school dance feel in the air, as people seldom strayed from their same-sex groups of friends.
Ritter, who has lived in Hoboken for two years, agreed that all the new games and gadgets haven't made meeting people any easier.
"The proliferation of technology has had a negative effect," he said. "I think people are probably more socially retarded than ever."
Britt Holmstrom, a Hoboken resident of over three years, was at the happy hour event and said that the situation was similar to most nights at the bars in Hoboken.
"It's just a bunch of guys standing around staring at girls that they don't have the [nerve] to talk to," she said. But reluctance from both sexes often stems from fear of rejection.
"People keep to themselves and don't put themselves out on a limb because they are so afraid of rejection," said Shenman, who has lived in Hoboken for the past eight years.
Dating by cell phone?
Many would argue that women's lib worked so that girls wouldn't have to wait to be approached by guys - but even those who want equality in the workplace don't want to make the first move in dating. "Women still want to be chased and guys still like to be the chasers," said Adele Testani, who co-founded a service called Hurry Date.
Her service is the first to offer dating from one's mobile phone.
"We use it for everything these days, so why not dating?" asked Testani.
Testani started Hurry Date in May 2001 with her friend Ken Deckringer, after noticing how many single people there were in New York. Hurry Date hosts about three parties in Hoboken per month.
Testani summed up the benefits of speed dating over online dating: "Online you can look at profiles and say 'this person's great, this other person's great,' but you won't really know if they're great until you meet them face-to-face."
Is there really a 'three-day rule'?
The workaholic mentality of many local singles can be another problem.
"In New York and Hoboken, we've overscheduled ourselves so much that sometimes it's hard to get it all together and find the time to date," said Testani.
Once people have cleared their schedule and found someone to go out with, they also have to remember how to play the game right.
Forget the three day rule; now there even rules on which day of the week the initial date can be on!
(Editor's note: Many of the participants agreed to speak candidly on the condition of anonymity.)
"You schedule those on off-nights," said Keith, who is in his early 30s. "Mondays or Tuesdays are good."
"You don't want to waste a Friday or Saturday with a girl that things may not work out with."
For Hudson County's hard-working and harder-partying social butterflies, giving up a weekend is just too big a sacrifice. "I wouldn't want to go on a first date on a weekend," said Debbie, who has lived in Hoboken for three years, and is planning on moving to San Diego in the spring. "That's my time to relax and have fun and be with friends. A bad date could ruin the whole weekend."
Market saturation
Ahhh to be young and single...in these parts, some might say it's a fate worse than death.
"Dating in Hoboken is the single biggest mind [game] going," said another Tom. "Basically everyone's fake, has trust issues, and uses the 'trust issue' routine to justify hooking up with as many people as possible." He added, "I will never date someone from this town again."
Ritter said that many area singles share Tom's bitter attitude.
"I think that a lot of people our age are very cynical and jaded," said Ritter, who has a girlfriend and is in his early 30s.
Most of that is due to the fact that no one in the area seems willing to settle down. "Everyone has a post-college mentality here," said Debbie. "No one is ready to commit because it's so fun to be single."
But is it really?
Ritter, who works in marketing, explains that people may just be overwhelmed. He cites the book "The Paradox of Choice, More is Less" that explains how people can make a choice when their options are limited, but may struggle to make a selection when they have more to choose from. "You can't expect people to make decisions when their options are massive," he said.
Keith breaks it down in financial terms: "It's because the market is so competitive, if you will."
Maria, who has lived in Hoboken for four and a half years, is tired of feeling as though everyone's always looking to see if something better is out there.
She offers advice to singles new to the area: "Save yourselves while you're young, and get out," she said. "People actually have relationships in other parts of the country."
Worth the hassle
Almost everyone agrees that dating in Hudson County is a complicated process. As former Hobokenite Bobbie Givens said, it can often be rewarding.
"I have friends who have met the person that they're going to spend the rest of their lives with here," he said. But as Mercado said, it can also be discouraging.
"My friends and I don't go to Hoboken because of the dating scene," he said. "The 24 to 25 year old girls there are not looking to date."
But don't despair, ye Hudson County singles. Dating anywhere is tough, and it takes a thick skin to bear through it.
Take the bard's advice: "If love be rough with you, be rough with love."
