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Waiting until 80 years old to marry may seem like a long time, or altogether strange, but there’s an increasing number of women across the U.S., like Grace Lacy, a 22-year-old senior at Purdue North Central, who are more interested in staying single than walking down the aisle.
“I’m just trying to find out if I want to be single or with someone the rest of my life,” she said.
A recent analysis of census figures found that for first time in the U.S., more American women are living without a husband than with one. The 51 percent of women in 2005 who said they weren’t married is up from 35 percent in 1950 and 49 percent in 2000. The data is slightly skewed since census figures include females 15 and older, meaning some of those polled are single because they are living at home and are under 18.
However, the trend toward putting marriage off until later in life, or simply altogether, is in sharp contrast to opinions on marriage held by women decades ago, when the institution was seen by many as a necessary component of a happy life.
Nowadays, women often fill the void of marriage with companionship from other women.
“I think it’s another way that women form relationships that are important to them and that provide support at times of transition and illness,” according to Rev. Nancy Kahaian of First Presbyterian Church in Michigan City.
Today, many women, such as Lacy, of Valparaiso, have pushed marriage down on the priority list, replaced by things like career advancement and financial independence.
“Women have a bigger part in changing the world than in staying at home,” said Kahaian.
The trend toward education and career first falls in line with what PNC women’s studies professor Beth Rudnick has been observing in her work.
“It seems that with growing employment opportunities with women there isn’t a need to use marriage as an escape. Women are enjoying their independence,” she said.
The stigma of the “spinster” or “old maid” have crumbled as women have developed larger roles in society, Rudnick said.
She’s not alone in her assessment.
“I think it would be wise to wait. Girls are working more and it’s more acceptable,” said Amanda Machara, a 20-year-old student at PNC.
Then there are those like Tracy Carbajal, a PNC junior, who though she had two children shied away from marriage until she was 26 because of how “scary marriage is when you think about the statistics for divorce.”
Lacy, whose parents are divorced, said has no desire to enter into marriage when all all she sees are bad marriages.
“It’s all about the wedding (for some women). They don’t think about the reality of marriage. You get married at 25. You have a child and at age 35, and the husband doesn’t love you anymore because you’re not hot stuff. That’s why I am so undecided because I’ve seen that in my life,” she said.
Which is why Lacy isn’t interested at all in labeling her relationship with Bud Hinchley, of South Haven. “Dating,” she said, “means I’m looking for a marriage partner.” And that’s certainly not the case.
But it seems that despite modern convention, romance isn’t completely dead.
Sarah Chatwell, 24, of Wanatah, set to get married Aug. 11, sees only positives in the impending union.
“It’s more about if you’re ready and if you’ve found the right person,” she said.
“You got to grow up. You got to know who you are,” said Kahaian. “Marriage is about sacrifice, commitment and true forgiveness. That brings out the best in us, rising to the top of human behavior.”
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