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So much for dinner and a movie.
Any single person who has endured the rigors of dating in the 21st century knows all about its peaks and pitfalls.
Is it ever appropriate to go dutch when the check arrives? Is an online date somehow less significant than one that happens organically? And don't even get us started on whether it's OK to break the three-date rule before romping in the hay.
Because the different styles of modern dating means there are more variables than a math scholar can count, we checked with social-mating experts and South Bay singles to help understand the most common sorts of dating behavior. Can you relate to any of them?
The Back in the Saddle Date
The first encounter that puts you back into the game. Often follows a particularly devastating rejection or the demise of a long relationship.
What it means: You're not looking for Mr. or Ms. Right; you're just trying to rediscover your dating legs.
The Breeze-By Date
A brief date with someone you're not sure is dating material. Always good to include an easy-to-cancel escape plan -- say, you have to visit your sick Aunt Matilda at 8:30 p.m. -- in case the date flops.
What it means: It's just having coffee or a drink with the intention of seeing if the person is worth a serious pursuit.
The Buffet Date
That rare online dating phenomenon when you schedule a succession of meetings on the same night. The romantic equivalent of stuffing your face at Fresh Choice.
What it means: You might be taking this dating thing a little too lightly and perhaps your eyes are bigger than your stomach.
The Marathon Date
It starts with, say, coffee at Starbucks. It goes so well that it soon includes dinner, dancing and an early morning drive to catch the sunrise before concluding with breakfast. Not always sexual. ``I always advise against it on the first date,'' says Jeff Cohen, author of ``Dating, Inc.'' ($14.95, 239 pp., Adams Media). ``If you go from coffee to dinner to a movie to going back to someone's place, where can you go after you've accelerated the relationship?''
What it means: Either the two of you have found your soul mates or you've never heard of deferred gratification.
The Shame Date
Perhaps you're nervous because it's been a long time since you last went out, so you have a drink to take the edge off. And another. Unfortunately, you forgot to eat. You meet your date and the rest the night is a blur, aside from the hazy memory of riding a mechanical bull to a Kenny Chesney song. You wake up the next morning with a stranger in your bed, a hickey on your neck and an uprooted ficus tree in your hallway.
What it means: After the hangover clears, you'd better start writing some letters of apology.
The Crypto Fix-Up
An unplanned date that occurs when a single person accompanies a couple to dinner or an event -- and learns that the pair has invited another single friend. ``What's great about this surprise is that you don't over-focus on it, obsessing about what you're going to wear for three weeks before the date,'' says Susan Shapiro, author of ``Secrets of a Fix-Up Fanatic'' (Delta Trade, 240 pp., $12).
What it means: Your friends care about you -- or are sick of you tagging along as a soloist.
The Escape Plan Date
Prearrangement with a friend to call you with an ``emergency'' about an hour into a blind date, giving you the option of canceling if the evening isn't going well.
What it means: Perhaps you have a bad feeling about the date even before it started. And maybe you're too reliant on technology to save your conniving butt.
The Group Date
When you lack the courage to go out one-on-one and prefer the safety-in-numbers approach. The downside? Your date might find one of your pals more attractive than you, Cohen says.
What it means: You're probably afraid of spiders, roller coasters and Tara Reid movies.
The Unclear Expectations Date
Not really a date. When one person thinks you're just friends while the other has more romantic aspirations. Usually ends with someone leaning in for a kiss as the other extends an arm to shake hands.
What it means: The we're-just-friends talk is overdue.
The Lit Date
One made at a bookstore reading. ``I think these are the best dates in the world,'' Shapiro says. ``Most of them are free. They're usually 40 minutes. They give you something smart to talk about. And if you don't click with the person, you've at least heard an author read and learned something.''
What it means: You're among the few people who don't religiously watch ``American Idol.''
The Preemie Bomb
``When can I see you again?'' Lisa Tsai, 27, a social worker from San Jose, experienced this when an hour into a first date, her male companion asked if they were destined for a second. ``It ruined the moment,'' she says, ``and killed the prospect of a second date. I thought that he was in a hurry to find somebody for a long-term relationship. Way too premature.''
What it means: Someone likens a date to a sales call and is intent on locking in the account before it's too late.
The Quarterly Date
A date that occurs about every three months. Rarely serious. Perfect for special events, occasions or just to stay in the game.
What it means: Convenience is apparently your middle name. Usually love connection is not there.
The Weirdly Fascinating But Not Quite Creepy Date
Jennie Banta, 33, a freelance graphic designer from Marina, was courted by a man who wore an outfit that could have been straight from the ``Starsky and Hutch'' wardrobe department. He was completely confident in tight-fitting Nixon-era duds, although his pants were so tight he had to ask his date to help him remove his wallet from his back pocket. ``I thought he was just trying to break the ice with the way he was dressed, but he was serious,'' she says. ``I should have ended it, but I wanted to stay and see when the train would derail.''
What it means: You've got an adventurous streak and aren't afraid of the occasional curveball.
The Job Interview Date
When someone is so goal-oriented about finding a partner that they grill you as if you were applying for a job. Not fun if you A) didn't graduate from an Ivy League school B) do not earn in excess of $250,000 or C) have any family history of diabetes, heart disease or diverticulosis.
What it means: You left your romantic aspirations at the door.
The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing Date:
You're exchanging information about single life, and your date is suspiciously vague. Too vague. Or perhaps he or she explains that they're dating someone, but ``it's nothing serious.'' Yeah, and the Black Death was just a 24-hour bug.
What it means: No matter how good looking they are, run!
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